Archive for significance

More Than Words…

Posted in My path with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on December 18, 2009 by freedomofnow

Almost a whole week since my last post. I would have written before, but I’ve been completely caught up in the energies of the past week. So much love has come in, and thus so much of the old has been pushed out, that the last week has been a lot of silent breathing. When I woke up on the 11th to my alarm clock, no dreams at all came to mind. I had an appointment with the local communal office that currently pay my “wage” and it went very well. I let them know how I felt and we concluded that I see them again in february sometime. I came home around 4 or something, and had a chat with Ingerid on skype.  We spoke about the day before and the energies coming in that was very obvious. I looked back to how I used to deal with feelings and realized that being vulnerable and in acceptance of whatever came was the only natural way to truly enjoy life. I had seen the deep feeling of hurt that was the cause of all my distrust, the sorrow that I didn’t trust love, and suddenly I realized that that’s what I had built my life around. A single experience had shaped most of this life because I didn’t want to feel it. Once I had felt it completely, I wasn’t bound by it anymore.. Because what I AM is constant, unchanging, joyous, then all feelings are just experiences. I AM is there as the space for all feelings to play.

In the middle of the day I decided to go to bed again. I felt very drowsy and it felt like I could use some sleep. I lay down, closed my eyes and breathed while asking to be shown what was happening right now. Sleep came almost immediately. In my dream was Ingerid and John, sitting in front of me. Ingerid to the left, John to the right. I was at the back of the room sitting in a bed with the duvet pulled up. I felt the same vibration that I had had on numerous occasions before, but this time it was different. It started at the base of my spine and spread upwards, generating more and more pressure where my third eye is in my forehead. I felt immense pressure spots at each side on the base of my back, aswell as various points at my back. I relaxed slightly, and the pressure got so intense I was afraid because the pressure was so intense it was painful. Ingerid looked at me and said “Remember, it’s all you,” reassuringly, and I realized that I wasn’t going to die. I let go completely. The pressure built up and built up and when it seemed I was completely “full” in my forehead, I heard Ingerid say “now…” I closed my eyes. Suddenly there was an inaudible click, as if when a bubble bursts. I saw this circle of golden white light slightly up in my vision, originating where I felt the pressure. As the light spread outwards, spirals of white-golden garlands spread outwards. I just stayed still with eyes closed and watched. It was so beautiful I started crying.

As I woke up feeling completely rested I knew this dream was one of those “in your face” significant ones, so I reached for my phone and called Ingerid right away. We were cut off immediately because Ingerid ran out of batteries, so I called John and told him about the dream. He said “That’s pretty simple. Your third eye is opening. C spot run.” I laughed and thanked him. It seemed to correlate with all the pressure I had felt in my third eye the day before, but since the dream it has only been growing. The pressure is there in each waking moment from when I wake up to when I fall asleep again.

The first time I woke up on the 12th I was feeling really bad in my stomach so I got out of bed and stumbled like a zombie towards the bathroom. I saw a glass on the kitchen table and reached for it to put it in the sink, and instead of grabbing it I just slightly pushed it and it fell to the floor and shattered completely. I went to get my shoes and picked up the biggest pieces and threw them in the trash, then when I came to the bathroom I noticed an itch on my right ringfinger. I looked closer and saw a really tiny splinter that I managed to get out with my tweezer. I realized these moments were screaming metaphors for me and noted them to figure out later when I wasn’t zombified. I got the kitchen cleaned and went to bed.

The second time I woke up I was feeling anxious and restless. Like something important was about to happen. I looked at the time, it was 14:44. I couldn’t help but smile.I had some breakfast and spent most of the day releasing anger. I realized that every feeling of anger was slightly different, and I was peeling off the layers of defense that I had been so protective of before. I also realized that there was nothing I had to do. I was exactly where I was supposed to be, at precisely the right time.  I spoke to John about the incidents that morning and he asked me what I felt about them. This time I decided to get really down and dirty with what my feelings told me so I decided to really feel the situation. The glass breaking gave me a feeling of the word “shatter.” Like something old was breaking. The splinter gave me some kind of annoyance being removed. I told John what I felt and he said that it wasn’t necessary to know it all unless the feelings told me, which made a lot of sense. It felt like my true inner voice was being uncovered more and more as all the stored emotions that was clouding it was being removed. The day went by with a lot of physical stings and pains, and I finally went to sleep late that night.

Skipping forth until the night to the 15th, I had another one of those matiné dreams that just screamed of significance. I woke up and just started writing until I had all of it down.

I was with Ingerid on some farm during celebrations, and most of the houses had people in them who had not moved on completely. I walked with Ingerid and this girl into a building and suddenly I could see a grey woman walking around and a black shape walking above us, and I realized my seeing so clearly was somehow connected to Ingerid being there. I said outloud what I was seeing and Ingerid said it was all right. Suddenly we all hit the floor, I looked around and saw the entire room covered in blue paint. I looked at the girl and Ingerid and they were both on the ground also covered in blue paint. Then I looked at myself and noticed I was too. Ingerod told me there was always a trick, a key of sorts, to every instance like this. So we moved on right away, walked down through the open field where there was festivities. It was downhill and we were hurrying and my left foot caught in this blanket as I was pushing a trolley of sorts with a parasol in it. People behind me made sounds as if I were to mind my step as the blanked was swept under them but I didn’t mind and kept walking. We reached the end of the tables and the blanket slipped off my feet, and I was to put the trolley at a rest there but noticed it couldn’t stand on its own, so I put it against the hill so that it leaned in on itself. We went to the next house. We came in and Ingerid closed the door behind us. There was a creaking sound almost immediately, and I remember having heard that before. It hit me that I had BEEN here before. Ingerid took my hands and started swinging me around the room, and suddenly there was a woman there, She looked completely mad, her grey face was twisted in an expression of horror and anger. She had 2 knives in her hands, walking from one end to another in the room, then disappearing only to appear and do the same thing from another angle. She was aiming at me. After a few times of the woman walking across the room Ingerid stopped helping me, and I faced the woman and her knives on my own. She came directly at me no matter how fast I was at avoiding her, and I felt the knives cut at my left and right sides around the stomach. Ingerid came with wet blankets to clean the wound while I was still trying to dodge the woman. I had some kind of knife myself and when she had passed me I tried stabbing her. There was blood, but Ingerid said “Don’t hurt her.” I stopped, the woman went into one wall and came out another. I tried to hold her arms to stop her from cutting me but the blades kept slicing my flesh. She came from the right and the knives cut across my stomach. At first there was so much sweat that there were no wounds, but the knives went unrelenting back and forth. I noticed there weren’t any direct wounds, but the blood kept pouring. Ingerid was there with a wet napkin to stop the bloodflow. Suddenly light came through the window, and I saw another scene unfold. The woman and a man was holding eachother on the floor, and a sort of voice narrated that they were joined together in eternity. As the voice said this a beige old woven blanket wrapped around them and was all that was left. Suddenly me and Ingerid was on an open field, and Ingerid said to help her. I looked at what she was doing, and saw a short angry looking man and a slightly taller bald one in what looked like wizards robes. The short ones had stars on it, and the taller one was completely black. Next to them was a group of children. As Ingerid stood in front of them with arms open, what looked like a red veil was above them, like the tip of a fire. I held out my hands aswell and the 2 men in the robes got more and more frantic. I pushed but nothing seemed to happen, so I stopped. I looked at Ingerid and whatever she did seemed to work, so I held up my hands again and allowed whatever wanted to come to come, and the bigger man in a robe looked at me and said “Foreldre er sexualitet i denne verden!/Parents are sexuality in this world!” then he popped. Like a balloon. Immediately followed by the little one, and the veil of red was lifted from the children. It felt like it was done. Suddenly we were back in the barn again, surrounded by people. The locale suddenly felt clean, fresh and beautiful. I started crying uncontrollably from the sense of relief in me, and that’s when I woke up.

I got up and put on some tea and called Ingerid to see what she was doing, and it turned out she was in town to do some shopping, so I went to meet up with her. As I got to town it turned out that we were all going to Ingerid to get the christmas tree and decorations ready. All of the soul family was gathered, and it was a day filled with joy and laughter. Truly beautiful. I asked Ingerid about the dream and she said it was fairly obvious. The blue was Mary Magdalene, so it was healing. All the people in the end was all the aspects of me, all the roles I have played, that came home. Sooo much is happening these days that all one can do really is just to be still, and allow everything to flow.

A world of Symbols.

Posted in My path with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on November 21, 2009 by freedomofnow

Soooo! Here it is again. So much has happened, yet as usual the outwardly action is limited, although it feels like it is picking up somehow. It “started” on the 11th november, which is a 11:11:11 portal, when the book “Before I AM” by Mooji arrived. It is such a beautiful read, I pageflip every night before going to bed. It’s definitely not coincidental that that book arrived on that very day. Then last sunday, Mooji was holding an online satsang that I “happened” to be online at the right time to attend. Right before it started Ingerid was visiting to pick up some DVDs that I had burnt for her, and as per usual when I am in the same space as her I was in a very good mood.

Then it began. As soon as I saw Mooji with his red shirt on it struck me that I had seen this meeting some days ago, only I interpreted it as a visit to London. When it dawned on me all kinds of emotions started to flood through me. Anxiety, a nervousness, fear, it all came up. It felt like this was it. This was the time for my mind-made “I” to die, and I knew I had to face it. An hour went and I had made a few calls although none had gone through, and I decided that this was it. I called repeatedly until finally I saw the video initializing screen come up. Mooji was still in another call, and how lucky that was because I could not have said anything if I had tried. After a few minutes I heard the host of nevernothere announcing me and I just had to jump into it. I made this into a video and uploaded it to youtube, so without further adue, I give you my first conversation with Mooji.

Monday came and I was feeling a bit restless, like something was off but I had no idea why. I had slept my usual 12 hours and I felt a bit out of sync that day. I knew I wanted to clean the appartment, but I just had no energy whatsoever to do anything. The evening came and eventually sleep settled in. I woke up on tuesday feeling very rested. I was supposed to have been at Ingerids for satsang, but she had sent me a message saying she wasn’t feeling good so it was cancelled. My cell phone is currently not receiving text messages except for immediately when I turn it on, and I had a feeling that it wasn’t a day for satsang, so I checked right away when I woke up to the clock at around noon. It’s wonderful being in a position where I have to set the clock if I want to get up before noon. :p

I had one sensation when I got up: I had to get this appartment cleaned right away! I put my laptop in the kitchen and started playing my youtube playlist of music. It holds just about all kinds of music that I have found resonance in depending on mood. This time it started off with a beautiful tibetan monk chant to set the mood, then it gave me Jason Mraz – All dialed in, a song that always makes me cry, and to top it all off, Portishead – Roads.. So while I was crying my eyes out and cleaning the appartment, I gradually felt more and more energized. Once I was done with cleaning and the long, warm shower, I felt great. I was feeling happy the entire day.

That night I dreamt about Ingerid. We were talking about the connection we had, that’s all I remember. That morning Ingerid woke me up at 1pm and asked me if I wanted to come help her carry some stuff at her house that neither she or John could carry while she cleaned the appartment. I felt a tremendous joy and accepted right away. Ingerid came and picked me up a bit later. On the way over we were talking about Mooji and how it would be such an experience to go to London on one of his Satsangs, and it just burst out of me: I’ll buy all of us a tour to London to see Mooji! As I said it I felt such a spontaneous joy. Ingerid was so grateful she got so flustered with emotion that she almost drove off the road. Once we got to their place we sat down and had a cup of tea while we were talking about – and listening to – my conversation with Mooji. First Ingerid said that the fact that out of all the people listening that I was one of the people who got through to speak to him was a very good pointer to where I am right now, and when Mooji said that I was “in the taste of that” with his loving smile, Ingerid smiled and said that’s the feeling she gets around me aswell. John elaborated on this and said that this was all on my own, not in the company of anyone else, and a major turning point for me. It actually felt like it aswell, although there was no sense of pride, there was only joy and love for myself. Then we proceeded to talk about Love Lines, and John felt inspired to include me in the creation. Because Love Lines is completely guided by spirit, the kind of publisher we want is one that comes from a place of joy, and who is able to let our company work through his equipment. I’ve always been able to “see” what Ingerid suggests in its whole, and when they told me about their World Galleries, I immediately got a feeling of the building and some images. John had already drawn his vision, and when he showed me it was almost as a deja vu for me. It was perfect, complete. Very exciting times indeed.

The day continued. Carpets needed cleaning so I spent hours outside hammering carpets, carrying various things, rearranging a room, only to arrange it back, and then rearrange it back to its original state again. I was clearly “chopping wood and carrying water.” We took some breaks to talk and have a bite of food during the day. During one break we were talking about spirit, which we always do I guess.. And I heard exactly what I was supposed to hear, as I always do.. Ingerid said, “Every answer is a death.” which hit home for me very profoundly. The past days I had been feeling like all the answers my mind give me, are so limiting that I don’t believe them. Even its questions, because they always lead to conclusions beyond the now. Beyond what is at the moment. The day came to an end and they drove me home late that night. I had a bite to eat, a shower and saw “The Kings of Comedy” on Tv before going to bed. That night I slept like a baby. This night I dreamt about both Ingerid and John. We were talking about the connection between us, and it turned out that me and Ingerid had been having the same dreams lately. The next dream I had was so vivid. I saw aliens coming to the planet, and a planet coming very close to ours. Aliens landing and a huge fight between the aliens and us. I was strolling peacefully through it all though.

I woke up the day after feeling totally rested, and in complete joy. 10 minutes after waking up, Ingerid called and asked when they could pick me up, to which I replied right away, though John had to take Maren and her son home first. I went out to the road and waited for them and John stopped to pick me up. I was so happy to see them all, and me and Nathaniel were dancing to the music in the car all the way to Marens’ place. On the way home I explained my dream to John and he said that it was a realigning with my Self. He then proceeded to talk about the symbolism of dreams, that I knew of and that being the reason why I sought his expertise, but this time he also mentioned that the waking state is also a dream, and that everything is symbolic. He had shown me some symbolism in my presence earlier, but when we talked about it this time it felt more significant. He told me it’s all about what catches your attention, and listening to what your intuition tells you. I said that I could definitely use some help interpreting all this in the future, and he said that I should first open myself up to the fact that they are there and seek within myself first.

The day passed and we got the rest of the cleaning done, which was such a relief. Ingerid explained that we clean our appartment when we have taken a step “forward” in vibration.. When the current state around us is of the vibration that we used to hold, it is easy to feel dragged down by your surroundings, which is exactly how I felt. The love we hold for ourselves is reflected around us. Puts cleaning in a whole new light. In the evening Ingerid’s other daughter, her man and their child came by and we watched a movie, then they drove me home.

I was conscious just in the moment that the veil of sleep was pulled down, and with the last breath I felt the embrace of the formless. It really is indescribable. I used to have these sensations all the time, but before they would send vibrations of fear throughout my body, and I would shiver in horror. Now it is like the shell of my body is gently melted away to reveal the loving nothingness of my soul flowing out into infinity. I woke up on friday having slept like a baby yet again. It was around 2pm or so. I decided to go and make breakfast right away because I was very hungry. When I was done I reached for a small plate to put them on, and it slipped in my fingers and went for the floor. It hit the floor looking like it would break into 1000 pieces, but what was left was 2 just about identical pieces of porcelain. One had 2 red flowers on it and 2 yellow, the other had one red flower on it and one yellow.

It iimmediately struck me that this was significant for me, so as I grabbed another plate and went into my room I asked for the meaning of this to be shown to me. As I got into the room John immediately logged on, and I asked him what this could mean. He said that I was breaking my fast. Not the normal kind around easter when people don’t eat for 14 days. This was a spiritual fast. I was not “eating of” the manna bread, spiritual truth. The flowers are a confirmation 22:11, a power number. I googled the manna bread and got “11th Heaven Homemaking.” John filled in that that was just a symbol of life, and that I was beginning to nurture myself, loving myself. Metaphors are simple, but we often analyze their meaning away. It is the inner guidance that shows you the truth.

This felt very right for me, and I thanked John for his help and decided to go to town to pick up some money that a friend of mine owed me. She’s quite angry, and she’s owed me this money for quite some time now and I sent her a quite harsh sms the other day to which her anger flared up. So I came to town and met her where she worked and she handed me an envelope with the money and turned her back to me doing some work while we were talking. I thanked her for the money and left to get some food. I grabbed a trolley and got inside the store, and while I was enjoying the sweet taste of a chilled coke, I turned around and suddenly there was Ingerid’s other daughter and her newborn daughter. The daughter is adorable beyond words and her mother is a very loving mother, it was a very pleasant meeting. We talked and walked around the store for some time while we shopped and then we headed for the exit. I was so happy to see them and we both smiled as we parted. I took my shopping bags and headed home, but I felt the need to take a detour down to the walkway by the river. As I was riding my bike along the side of the river, feeling the fresh air and listening to the sound of gushing water around me, I suddenly saw a light shine in the middle of the dark waters. It was still for a few seconds, shining at me, before I realized that it was a very tall light from a far that was reflected. I got home, and hailed John to speak about what had just happened. I told him that some more symbols had appeared, but instead of asking him what they meant I listened to my intuition to see the meaning.

It all felt like it was me turning my back towards my anger and my past, and being greeted by my newborn love for myself, shining my light in the middle of the darkness. John confirmed all of it, and added: the light shines in the darkness and the darkness comprehends it not, which is a biblical quote. I should feel excited, happy, elated that I was getting things right, but it felt so natural.. like part of the flow. There was just acceptance in me, and a sense of being guided completely.

Later that day John was coming to pick up some DVDs that I had burnt for them, but as he was driving here Ingerid called and asked me to come help her with one last thing, which I accepted gladly. I was sitting and writing this post as I heard a very unique cat sound that John makes when he tries to communicate with cats, so I thought he was outside saying hello to my cats and decided to go meet him. As I got outside it was raining, and I found shelter between the house where I live and the garage of my landlord. I stood there and suddenly I hear Ramses, one of my cats, squeak and I see him rush towards me. He is so cozy, brushing up against my leg and practically jumping up on me to cuddle. He’s a very loving cat but usually not this extreme. Suddenly he went out in the rain, caught something in his mouth and ran and dropped it at my feet. I bent down to look, and it was the tip of a flower. Such a beautiful love declaration from my Self, to my Self.

John came and I told him what had just happened and how I felt about it, and he confirmed that aswell. Then he told me that symbols are everywhere, because life always throws an abundancy of seeds to make sure of its own survival, so if you’re completely open to this you will be bombarded. We kept talking and I suddenly realized that symbols are a kind of first-row in the flow of life. If you don’t see the symbols then they start to become silent whispers, taps on the shoulders, frying pan in the faces and eventually something terminal. John said that there was another even closer way, which is direct communication with your Self. This is where you receive insights directly through your being. I remember having these experiences too when I first tasted the formless. For 3 days I was “channeling” Source, and all I had to do was wonder about something and the answer came through my being. It is very profound because it sort of opens you up to the knowing of it, instead of seeing it through the head.

We got to their place and realized that we had no dinner, so me and John drove back to town to get some stuff from me and the store. When we came to my place the first thing that hit us was the thick smell of smoke from my neighbour. John asked me who was smoking, and I said that it was my neighbour. I noticed her sitting in the kitchen and her door fully open, the entire appartment reeking of smoke. I said hello to her, and she replied that it was a very awful thing for us to say, commenting on her smoking. I had asked her to keep her door closed before because I have smoked for 12 years and I don’t want to surround myself with it anymore, since smoking really is an inner desire to leave this world. When I confronted her before she snapped completely accusing me of having an agenda and saying that it doesn’t smell like smoke at all. When she snapped I felt anger arise in me, and at the same time I turned away and walked into my room almost instinctively. Me and John talked about this on the way home and feelings of fear and anger came up. I completely allowed them to be there as we drove home.

When we got back to their place I explained everything to Ingerid, including the previous encounter with my neighbour. Ingerid said that this is what I had been doing for so many lives. I deny myself in order to please others. I let others treat me badly, and instead of standing up for myself I turn the anger inwards towards, beating myself up about it. This was the anger that I had been taking with me from my previous lives. She also said that this was something that Shaumbra does because on some level we know it doesn’t matter, but it was time to reclaim our self worth. Suddenly I expanded beyond my body, losing all references of up-down-left-right, and a dizzyness hit me. I felt a huge wave of anger pass through me and vanish, and then came the sorrow. Sorrow that I had not treated myself with the love that is who I truly am. I suddenly realized that the highest purpose for me, the highest love for my Self, is always the highest purpose in any situation. I did not have to allow my neighbour to let the entire appartment reek of old cigarettes.

It is ok to be true to myself regardless of how it made others feel. It is actually the greatest gift you can give.